meet me or not, i'm out of control
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
