sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
