i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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