I feel like abortions should bother me more
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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