do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
