Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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