Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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