Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
