Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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