This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
