that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
