it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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