So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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