apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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