The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
