just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
