he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
