Duck Duck Cougar?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
