She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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