Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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