If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
