i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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