The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
