SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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