Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
pop tarts are not kleenex
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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