Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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