VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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