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Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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