he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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