the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
