I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
