Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
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