The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
