a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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