I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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