My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize