No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
