I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
