i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
