matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
