I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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