I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize