there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
