I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
