He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
