Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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