Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
