Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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