are you still at the devil's house?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
