Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
