I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize