She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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