Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
