im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I need water and some morals
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
