Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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