Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
