Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
