I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
