Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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