I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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