It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
