Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
