You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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