How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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