census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
