Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
