yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
